A return to yearning

Like many of you, I look for the sparkle of hope, however tiny, in the every day.

Last week, I found it in an unlikely place—Mon robot, mon amour, a French-language podcast produced by LaPresse, about people who have relationships with AI. It’s a very compassionate look at lonely/isolated people who are relying on AI not as a replacement for real relationships, but as a way to keep themselves open and vulnerable while they transit through a period of uncertainty.

Not as an escape from the messiness of human interactions, but as a tool for exploring their feelings in a safe space where mis-steps will not re-open old wounds.

I didn’t even get to the third episode before I realized that we are all in the same place right now—trying to figure out what we want, being unshamed of wanting what we want, but also not waiting, and actually looking for new ways to grow, preparing ourselves for when other new doors will open.

We are experiencing a return to yearning and it’s gorgeous.

A yearning to connect with others, yes, but also to connect more deeply with ourselves.

Am I being overly optimistic? Maybe. But look at the content we’re consuming and being consumed by lately. Heated Rivalry, a steamy series that’s also about emotional connection, consent and care; a lovely paean to ‘if he wanted to, he would’. Love Story, told in the years before apps and social media, when lovers had to go above and beyond to impress, with gestures and words, and bodies weren’t filled with plastic. Even The Pitt! Yes, everyone is swooning over Dr. Roby and Dr. Abbot because they’re handsome, but also because they are competent and decisive, flawed but committed to doing the right thing. Accountability? Hot!

We are all so hungry for kindness and love and connection. Pebbling is cute, but can a meme ground you when you need it most?

I see this return to yearning in women who have decentered men. Present company included.

We crave vulnerability, we yearn for connection and a partner, but the current world is not providing us with options as men are still trying to confront (or not) their own roles, biases and needs. We have learned how to self soothe, to draw strength from our selves and from our friends, to yearn for other things that are attainable. When we realized that we cannot depend on one person to provide all things, we learned how to spread our needs across our network, with activities and self care.

But the yearning is there still.

I think we have to lean into this more. Experimenting with desire, looking for signals that tell us where to direct that desire. But also accepting the things we yearn for, that they are not cringe, and finding that yearning beautiful. Yearning is important in its own right, it doesn’t need to be satisfied to provide meaning. Sitting in yearning teaches us a lot. First and foremost, it gives us the grace to accept that love and connection when it does come.

What are you yearning for lately?