Don't panic

I don’t know who needs to hear this (as the kids say) but… 

Don’t panic.

It will come back.  

That’s the short version. If you have more bandwidth, keep reading.

The general news from these parts is good. I’m not where I once was (yay! gratitude to all my angels, saints, ancestors and other celestial stakeholders), but I’m also not yet where I want to be. I’m still here though, navigating the discomfort of an in-between state where nothing is (tangibly, physically) moving forward with mixed results.

The only real problem is that because of (points to paragraph above), I currently have zero motivation and zero energy. Queries are being sent, but it’s on autopilot. I started writing poems again, but they have no teeth. Am I writing the novel? Also, big nope. The manuscript is a series of closed doors that I can’t even find the seams of, never mind a handle. I don’t hear my characters so they aren’t real to me right now. And I have no emotional complexity of my own to use as a way in.

My neighbourhood in one glance: art murals, public transit, bike paths, trees, big sky ♥️

What do I mean by that?

The first novel was about grief and guilt, feelings that were threatening to overwhelm me at the time. The writing was a way to release the pressure, a way for me to breath again as I gave my characters life. But this new one is about sex and shame, and I don’t have any of that complexity in me right now.

My family and I are happy and mostly healthy, my friends are thriving and those who aren’t, are actively working on it. It’s summer, so freelance work and yoga teaching is slow. My daily gratitude focuses on home, shelter and health, and this sustained peace, but there is no tension inside me and so there is no writing.

In the meantime, I’m making more bread. I have doubled down on fitness. I prepare fancy meals and sing along to pop music. I am building the next few newsletters with more practical content. I delight in friends as they detail their own ambitions and accomplishments. I have coffee. I faff. 

I miss writing. I am trying not to panic. To be truthful, I probably wrote this article to soothe myself more than anything. But if it helps to hear it, friends, don’t panic, ok?

😘