Everything takes longer than you'd like
A new observation for a new week
The light in Montréal lately has been sublime.
It doesn’t have the nostalgic glow of golden hour or the fresh promise of spring sunshine, but it is similarly infused with a sentiment that activates the deepest chords of my brain. I’ve been trying for days to describe it, but words have eluded me so thoroughly, making me wonder if I’ve ever seen anything like it before.
I can only describe it as truthful. For the way that it leaves every line so defined, for how it emphasizes the contrast of every texture, revealing the fall leaves to be almost neon in colour. As I walked through downtown the other day, the details of every face I passed were so crystal clear, I was convinced I’d be able to recognize all of these strangers again tomorrow. When a flock of birds took flight from a high-up cornice, it looked like a handful of quarters being tossed up into the air, and I gasped.
“Is it the light making everything so real?” I asked myself. “Or is it me?”
It’s fitting that it’s also Scorpio season, when concealed truths are said to be illuminated and the veil between worlds gets thin. Nothing can be hidden when we are drenched in such unflinching brightness. Our last chance to let go of old mindsets, false narratives and regrets before winter comes to wipe the slate clean. In this light, I am suddenly unafraid to let it all rise to the surface, to reckon with the beauty of this world and my experience within it.
And what I’m learning to relish right now is that everything takes longer than I’d like it to. Despite our most earnest intentions and determined efforts, we can’t make anything happen in the arbitrary timelines we usually set out of fear and ego. We dress these timelines up with pretty words like “ambition” and “goals” and “carpe diem”, but that won’t make anything fall into place any faster. It’s absolutely alright to have goals and ambitions, to have a basic schedule to keep you on track, but it’s a terrible thing to tie the outcome—and your self worth—to a date.
It takes time to write a novel, to sell a novel, to build a healthy body, to nurture a hobby, to develop a new relationship. We must be present every day and diligently do our little things, trusting in our ability to deliver the outcome despite the obstacles that will slow us down.
It’s tragic every time I see someone give up on a project because it “got hard” or “was taking too much time”. I came so close this year, more than once. But in this light, I feel as if I can go on, that the results will be far greater than I can currently imagine. In the meantime, I do my little things and take my little walks and marvel at the sky. Letting go of deadlines has freed up space in my body for more goodness to flow in.
So maybe it is just me 🤭
I leave you with a photo taken by my favourite documenter of this city, @arcpixel. Go follow him on Instagram, if you don’t already. His framing is always so poetic 🩷
