How much personal
is too much personal?
You are a complex universe and your writing will absolutely be influenced by the currents of joy, suffering and healing that move through every body in the course of a life. As my mother likes to say, “this is happening right now because you’re alive, it wouldn’t be happening if you were dead.”
But how much of what’s happening should end up in your writing?
It’s all a question of balance.
If you’re writing memoir, personal essays or creative non-fiction, then you are absolutely expected to share the intimate details of your addiction, trauma, disability, etc. But there is an art to writing a good tell-all. It’s not enough to provide the more salacious or shocking moments of your journey. If that were the case, you could just post a 29-part TikTok confessional instead.
Specific details of your story do help create an emotional tie with your readers, but you also need to balance it out with reflections on larger questions, how you evolved through this experience and how events impacted your life in other ways.
I say this because most writing in this genre targets readers who may be going through similar experiences. Sharing the moments that helped you move forward may help others move forward too. When you engage in this writing, you are not looking for consolation or an ego boost—rather, you are looking to connect and generate compassion for other life experiences. If you want to give free rein to your feelings, you have a journal, therapy and friendships for that. And perhaps once you’ve explored your experience through your own awareness, then you’ll be better able to write that story in a way that supports your healing and the healing of others.
If you don’t provide that balance, you may lose readers after a while, because there is no evolution. Readers turn to writing for escape, yes, but they also to learn more about themselves. So while many are happy to gawk at your life for a while, they also want to be nourished by what they read. Don’t forget—your readers also have challenges and worries of their own. Give them a reason to read about yours and they’ll come back for more.
Some general tips:
Don’t try to find that balance on the first draft. As always, just get something on the page. You can rework and add context later.
Experiment. Write essays with varying degrees of personal details. Share those essays with your writing group, trusted friends or even your Substack audience, and ask for feedback. Their reading experience will absolutely help you create the balance you need in future drafts.
Writing fiction? Readers frequently assume that fiction is thinly veiled autobiography so … 😂 … but the same rule about balance applies. Give us something to reflect on and you’ll have a reader for life.
Question your intentions. If you’re having trouble finding that balance, ask yourself some honest questions about why you’re writing it. What do I want the reader to learn from this piece? Or more bluntly, why will someone want to read this?
But most importantly, don’t be embarrassed if you tip too far in one direction and regret what you shared. Vulnerability is a super power and writing is how we flex it. When undertaken with intention, personal writing can save relationships, restore hope and build community 🫶🏼